PROSPER, TX – A local family is getting ready for a possible “Carnibrawl” on their upcoming Carnival cruise by taking a self-defense class at Land Shark Martial Arts.
Bruno Madsen, head sensei at Land Shark Martial Arts, developed a self-defense curriculum specifically for Carnival Cruise passengers in response to recent news of fights breaking out on the cruise line. Says Sensei Madsen, “Since cruises re-started after the Pandemic, we’ve gained more and more new clients who feel ill-prepared for their next vacation. We teach situational awareness and a variety of self-defense techniques to help you be more confident on Carnival Cruise ships.”
The program combines elements of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Muay Thai kickboxing, and good old-fashioned southern ass-whoopin’ that can be applied to a variety of scenarios you might encounter on a Carnival Cruise. “Whether you find yourself in a close-quarters combat situation in the hallway after a twelve-hour bender of heavy drinking and gambling, or have to defend your lounge chair on the pool deck after the wet t-shirt contest, we have you covered,” says Madsen.
Prosper resident Jameson Fuller enrolled himself, his wife, and two kids, ages 8 and 11, in the program shortly after booking their cruise. Fuller states., “Of course, we plan to relax and enjoy this cruise and everything that it has to offer. However, we also want to have confidence that we can handle ourselves should a brawl occur at the midnight buffet, or if I accidentally make eye contact with the wrong guy.”
Fuller’s oldest child, who wishes to remain anonymous, says “I’ve learned a lot of useful skills so far. I feel confident that I’ll be able to defend my saved seats in the theater and grab the last slice of pizza on deck without getting knocked out. But honestly, I wish we were just going on a Disney cruise instead so I wouldn’t have to watch my back.”
Fuller is confident that his family will be ready to cruise by December. “I’m glad we chose Carnival for our next vacation. Not only do we get to relax at sea, but we also get to learn valuable fighting skills that will last a lifetime. And you can’t put a price on that.”
The post you are reading is…satire
Another GREAT one! The family that fights together stays together. “I’ve got your back!”
@Patrick I need to enroll my family…we sail on Carnival in January!
To get their money’s worth, the family also needs to fly Spirit to meet their ship in Florida.
HA!