WASHINGTON, DC – The Transportation Security Administration is considering an unorthodox new policy in an attempt to speed up airport security lines. The approach allows TSA agents to allow passengers who can demonstrate they are “pretty good” at going through security to skip the whole process altogether.
Transportation Security Administration (TSA) spokesperson Jennifer Block spoke to reporters at a press conference earlier this week after the policy was announced by the agency’s administrator.
“With the sudden uptick of post-pandemic revenge travel our airports are more clogged than ever. We simply can’t keep up and passenger frustration is mounting,” Block shared. “Bottom line, we had to try something new.”
The new policy is relatively straightforward. Passengers who can demonstrate to TSA Agents that they know how to get through the airport security lines efficiently will be entered into a program the agency is calling “TSA You’re Good.”
Agents will be trained to visually identify potential candidates for the program by profiling passengers in the line. Some of the visual criteria include:
- People wearing business suits
- People who look mildly irritated at the passenger in front of them in the line
- Folks using TravelPro luggage
- Anyone with an “elite” frequent flyer/rewards luggage tag
- Folks still wearing Bluetooth earpieces for their conference calls
- Anyone still using a Blackberry (special consideration will be given to these folks – they won’t even have to demonstrate their skills)
Folks who meet the visual criteria will be pulled aside by agents and asked to demonstrate their prowess at getting through the line through a series of drills. While the drills are still be worked through, they currently are slated to involve some combination of the following (along with proving their members of the TSA PreCheck program):
- Timed measurement of how long it takes passengers to put their bag on the conveyor belt
- Verification that the passenger can continue to keep their phone unlocked right before approaching an agent for ID
- A trick question to see if they remove their suit jacket when asked by an agent
- Provide 6 recent company expense reports (or receipts from the last 2 trips that are currently unfiled expense reports)
- Proof they own a set of Bose Noise Canceling Headphones
The exact timing of the TSA You’re Good program was not revealed, but the agency hopes to roll the program out before the summer travel rush. They are currently trialing it at the busy Orlando Airport.
This sounds like an April Fools joke, particularly the testing method near the end of the article. However, the lower risk passenger is a reasonable concept. Those passengers need to be minimally screened to make sure they didn’t forget to unpack their gun at home.
I am uncertain if a 3rd category, like PreCheck Plus would be useful in busy airports. Those might be passengers who review instructions on how to pack (don’t have too many items, don’t have dense items like many books, and do things quickly without having a TSA bark out orders saving one person’s labor). Basically, the bad guys (Arab terrorists and wacky Americans bring a gun aboard) has cost us millions to fund airport screening
Welcome to the new Travel Satire site here at the BoardingArea where every day is April 1st. 🙂
umm April fools day was last week. Jokes on you
Welcome to the new Travel Satire site here at the BoardingArea where every day is April 1st. 🙂
The joke’s on every day 😉
Four days late.
Welcome to the new Travel Satire site here at the BoardingArea where every day is April 1st. 🙂
Yes it seems this column should have been published on April 1.
Welcome to the new Travel Satire site here at the BoardingArea where every day is April 1st. 🙂
They should add anyone already wearing bose headphones around their neck. 🙂
I was recently in Singapore because of a connecting flight. At that airport, security screening is at the gate after passport control. If you have a prohibited item, I don’t think you can leave the airside area via the immigration desks. There is a box for sending items but it was not properly stocked with envelopes. Besides, by the time they screen you at the gate, there is not too much time before they close the aircraft doors, maybe 40 minutes.
I was caught with an expensive pair of scissors that are small enough to be permitted by the United States but are prohibited in Singapore, which bans all sharp ended scissors not just large and medium sized scissors. I did not want to throw it away. Luckily, I thought of a solution. I would try to mail it back (but learned that the kiosk was not stocked).
At the spur of the moment, I decided to hide the scissors! I would retrieve it on the return flight and, instead of connecting to a flight to the U.S., I would leave the airside area and check it as luggage (in a small box that I collapsed and brought with me on the return flight).
I will not reveal where I hid my scissors for a week but I can reveal that I put the scissors in an envelope with my name and return flight number. It was there a week later!