WASHINGTON, DC – As the pilot shortage reaches new highs, the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) is considering raising the retirement age to unheard-of levels in a bid to take the pressure off a demoralized workforce.
In a new bill sponsored by Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-VT), the mandatory retirement age for pilots is extended to 103 years of age. The current mandatory retirement age for pilots is aged 65, and many in the travel industry are calling for it to be raised in a desperate attempt to fill airplane cockpits in what is the worst pilot shortage of all time.
Leahy, who also holds the distinction of being the longest currently active senator with over 314 years of service, prepared the bill using an inkwell and quill – the very same one he signed the Declaration of Independence with.
“We need pilots,” quipped Leahy, “And there are millions of Americans in retirement homes and communities across the country that are tired of pickleball or watching Matlock reruns. Let’s put these good folks to work flying planes. Besides, these folks are from a generation that knew how to work, that didn’t care about working conditions like pay or fair treatment or diversity or 8-hour workdays. They won’t ever go on strike, and they don’t need to be coddled with benefits like dental care, or 401ks or overtime pay.”
The bill has widespread support from the Federal Aviation Administration which is backing this bill instead of a competing bill introduced by Republican Senator Lindsay Graham whose bill suggests the age be raised to 67.
“Graham’s bill doesn’t go far enough,” said Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg, “We can get folks back to work with Leahy’s bill and do it without impacting airline executives’ annual bonuses by keeping costs in check. It’s a win-win.”
The bill is expected to pass in both the Houe and Senate where it will likely be signed by President Joe Biden, who reportedly once survived a plane crash while riding his Amtrak train back to Delaware during the Korean War.
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