FRESNO, CA – In an attempt to bring the joy of the New York City Subway to the friendly skies, the new airline Air Fresno is offering passengers a special opportunity to fly in its standing-room-only cabin.
The new airline – the brainchild of Gary Busey and a guy he met in a Las Vegas bathroom – flies exclusively between Fresno, California, and Reno, Nevada and was recently named “An airline, I think?” in a Reddit forum.
“By removing seats and replacing them with metal poles for our guests to hold onto, we’re embracing the end of social distancing,” said Mike Downey, the company’s Head of Customer Experience. Downey, who joined Air Fresno after previous stints at Theranos, Enron, and Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities, insists that Air Fresno’s “elevated subway cabin” offers the airline’s passengers the “flight experience they deserve.”
Since guests will be standing for the full duration of the flight, instead offering a traditional snack and drink service, Air Fresno has formed a strategic partnership with a vendor from Yankee Stadium who will hurl bags of peanuts in the direction of hungry guests.
And in an effort to reduce the use of harmful plastic bags, passengers are encouraged to throw their peanut shells on the floor. A complimentary EpiPen will be provided to customers with peanut allergies who sign up for the airline’s loyalty program before passing out.
“We believe this new class of service will revolutionize the flight industry,” said Downey, while also acknowledging that other airlines are currently hesitant to embrace a similar business model. For instance, Air Fresno recently applied to become part of the Star Alliance but received a cease-and-desist and restraining order in response.
As Air Fresno’s website is not yet operational, you can purchase a ticket by e-mailing your full name, social security number, bank account details, and a copy of your fingerprints to firstname.lastname@example.org. You may also fax in your details to the phone number listed on their MySpace page.
This was a guest post by Josh Garber. Josh Garber is a freelance attorney and travel writer who is passionate about remote work and finding amazing travel deals. He has visited over 55 countries and tries to work from a different location each month. You can check out his blog, Josh Trips, at joshtrips.com and his Instagram page @jgarber.
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