WASHINGTON, DC – As the Transportation Security Administration announced increased scrutiny on pilots and crew going through airport security, airlines universally support measures, suggesting this is definitely the right move during the worse pilot shortage ever seen.
“Honestly, they just need to suck it up,” one airline CEO was overheard as he threw his support behind new measures announced by the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) to make sure flight crew aren’t abusing their special security privileges. And he wasn’t alone as CEOs across the country threw their support behind the move.
In the wake of the largest pilot shortage ever seen, the TSA decided that now is the perfect time to pull a bit of a dick move on pilots.
As reported, the TSA announced that it will start quizzing pilots and crew about their travel plans, remind them more often about the Known Crew Member (KCM) program, and even refer more of them to random security screenings.
Because that’s just what we need right now. More irritated pilots.
The new measures are designed to make sure the people we implicitly trust to fly complicated computers aren’t abusing their special security privileges because that’s what most pilots want to do right now: hang out at the airport more.
One pilot, who’d just come off of flying 97 hours straight, stopped to comment to our TTN reporters before heading to a picket line outside of the Atlanta airport. “This is nuts, right? I really ought to just retire. Clearly, the people running the ‘travel industry’ have lost their minds,” he remarked while mainlining some No Doz pills.
When compounded with unfathomable airport staffing shortages, the ongoing pilot shortage has ensured that pretty much no flights go out on time, most bags are lost, and everyone loses their dang minds all the time, which is precisely why Mayor Pete decided to implement this policy now.
“This will teach them to delay my flight,” remarked Secretary Buttigieg as he furiously attempted to check-in for this Southwest Airlines flight in hopes of getting an “A” boarding pass. He did not.