LAS VEGAS, NV - Ultra Low-Cost Carrier Allegiant Airlines has removed all fees in an unprecedented move Monday morning and in the process managed to completely flummox their customers.
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LAS VEGAS, NV – Ultra Low-Cost Carrier Allegiant Airlines has removed all fees in an unprecedented move Monday morning and in the process managed to completely flummox their customers.

Allegiant Removes All Fees, Includes Everything

In what should have been welcome news to US flyers, Allegiant has removed all fees but is facing serious market confusion over fares.

“Customers hate fees and many of the reasons they don’t choose Allegiant are because of these fees so we simply eliminated them to solve the problem,” says their official statement.

Like Southwest Airlines (and no other carrier in the United States), two checked bags are included with every ticket. Carry-on bags are also included, as are snacks and drinks onboard, seat assignments and free inflight wifi making Allegiant the leader in domestic US service as the only airline to offer all of these included in the fare. 

Customer Confusion

Following the news, many customers flooded the Allegiant website but were surprised to see substantially higher fares, exceeding even legacy rivals like American, Delta, and United for their premium economy fares. 

On a Reddit AMA (Ask Me Anything) session with the Allegiant CEO, the head man attempted to engage with customers.

One redditor named DrAmA247365 said, “I don’t get it. These fares are higher but I don’t need all of this stuff. Like, what if I don’t care where I sit, and don’t need a checked bag, should I still have to pay these high fares that include it?”

The CEO initially responded with what appeared to be a frustration pound against the keyboard and a combination of unintelligible letters found closely on the left and right of the standard qwerty keyboard.

He then typed, “That was our old model, whereby customers that didn’t need every feature could save money, and those that wanted every feature could add them but didn’t have to. After surveying customers and those who don’t yet fly Allegiant, we found that customers wanted more service and no fees so we did away with them.”

“No, you just added them into the fare.” said user DiamondHandsr4Eva.

“Just as Southwest adds checked bags into their airfare prices, we did too. But we also added seat assignments, wifi, and better snacks – something Southwest doesn’t include.” the CEO remarked.

“Total noob. Everyone knows Bags Fly Free with Southwest.” user Killshotzpwnlee replied. 

The AMA was ended abruptly following this reply. When reached for comment, the dejected and exhausting-looking CEO said, “Customers say they don’t want fees so we eliminate the fees. Then they say they want a la carte pricing because they don’t want to pay for stuff they won’t use. To quote Mugatu from the 2001 comedy, Zoolander, ‘I feel like I’m on crazy pills!’”

A representative from the airline’s communications department ushered the embattled CEO away shortly after making the statement. 

April Fools!

Kyle Stewart

Kyle is a freelance travel writer with contributions to Time, the Washington Post, MSNBC, Yahoo!, Reuters, Huffington Post, MapHappy, Live And Lets Fly and many other media outlets. He is also co-founder...

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3 Comments

  1. I always thought that Kyle was full of it but this article proves it! Time for him to slap someone or get slapped! If so, he’ll win an Oscar.

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