WASHINGTON, DC – Contentious negotiations between White House officials over the weekend have resulted in updated guidance for Biden administration employees. The new rules suggest limiting baggage thievery to every other trip.
After White House nuclear official Sam Brinton was recently arrested for allegedly stealing a woman’s suitcase at the airport, the Biden Administration was forced to revise its luggage thievery policy.
In a contentious meeting at the White House over the weekend various officials gathered with the president to discuss a pragmatic adjustment to the current policy which had come to be known colloquially as the ” ” policy.
The marathon meeting stretched long into the night on Sunday as officials bickered over the pros and cons of amending the policy. Reportedly the meetings were prolonged due to the president repeatedly rubbing the shoulders of his chief of staff while regaling the team with amtrak stories.
However, an agreement was eventually reached and a new policy was drafted.
According to an official who refused to go on the record, the new policy will limit luggage thievery by Biden officials to every other trip and only to luggage that is observably valued at over $1,000. The premise is that anyone that can afford that kind of luggage is too rich anyway and can afford to redistribute their wealth to a measly government employee.
Biden also issued a pardon for Brinton and promoted him to Energy Secretary.
The post you are reading is…satire.
There are exceptions to the new Biden Luggage Policy. One allows Democrat staffers to steal an old bag out of Congress so long as it is headed home to San Francisco.
LMAO!!