WASHINGTON, DC – Buried in their recent appeal of the overturned federal mask mandate, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) offered up a hint at a new fallback plan should their appeal be denied: requiring travelers to wear facemasks while on the jetbridge.
Earlier this year the federal mask mandate requiring face masks or coverings on various forms of public transportation, including air travel, was overturned when a federal judge ruled that the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) had overstepped their authority. The CDC soon filed an appeal and buried in the body of their lengthy appeal was a hint at the CDC and Biden administration’s fallback plan should the appeal be unsuccessful.
The 51st page of the appeal contained a short paragraph where it appears the Track Changes feature may have been left on before final submission. The paragraph noted, “If the appeal to continue our
totalitarian necessary-for-safety mandate for face masks is unsuccessful, the CDC will implement a revised federal mask mandate for air travelers while they wait on the often un-airconditioned jetbridges.”
In comments to the press, the CDC’s press secretary stated, “It’s clear the CDC still has jurisdiction over this one final area of travel and while we may not be able successfully control masks on planes and masks in airports, we strongly believe the law is behind us with regard to jetbridges.”
She went on to say, “The CDC and the Biden Administration are committed to ensuring the American people remain suppressed, er…safe and since jetbridges are often known to be the hottest places on the planet due to lack of airflow, we believe this extra little bit of protection could be the difference between another outbreak.
The measure could continue to prop up the now-decimated face mask industry which has seen various companies forced to return to whatever it was they did before the pandemic now that no one is buying face masks.
In another job-creating action, the CDC indicated it would hire thousands of unemployed Tesla employees to assist in enforcing such a mandate if needed.
The post you are reading is…satire.