DALLAS, TX – The Dallas Fort Worth International Airport (DFW) issued a statement this weekend unveiling detailed plans to overtake Atlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport as the preeminent airport for travelers forgetting they had a gun hidden in their carryon.
Earlier this year, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) released updated gun confiscation figures that saw the Atlanta airport rocket to the top of the leaderboard with 507 guns confiscated – a record by all accounts.
However, while airport officials in Atlanta were taking a victory lap, leadership at the Dallas Forth Worth International Airport (DFW) was nonplussed. Despite several efforts to “pump those numbers” up, the airport was disappointed to finish in 2nd place with a mere 317 guns confiscated.
“We Texans don’t like to lose at anything, y’all,” stated DFW Airport CEO John Racksgunn. “Next year will be different once we roll out our new initiatives to get more Texas guns in the airport”
The new initiatives unveiled in the announcement include:
- Issuing more guns to more Texans, including a free hunting rifle on your 16th birthday, and a free shotgun on your 20th wedding anniversary
- Offering a free recycling-for-ammo program that has Texans exchange recyclable metal for ammunition
- Requiring all male residents of the state to carry at least one gun in their truck at all times. The gun, of course, must be American-made according to the press release.
The new program will start to roll out around the 4th of July holiday this year with a huge ad campaign designed to gin up some state pride.
For its part, the deep red state of Florida was pretty happy to even make the list, with two airports finishing in the top 10 list including the busy airport of Fort Lauderdale which finished in 7th place, and the Orlando International Airport which finished in 8th place with 128 guns.
TTN reached out to Florida governor and future presidential candidate Ron DeSantis for comment but hadn’t received a reply at the time of publication. A Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request of the governor’s schedule suggested the governor was attending a ribbon-cutting ceremony for a new Tallahassee-based gun range.