VATICAN – Pope Francis announced he intends to retire after a recent trip where he found himself in a middle seat on a Spirit Airlines to Orlando. The 85-year-old figurehead said it was just too much to take.
During a recent visit to North America, Pope Francis found himself sandwiched into a middle seat to Orlando and regretting every minute of it. Immediately after deplaning he was overheard griping to his secretary, “Jesus Christ, these people don’t need forgiveness, they need the damning fires of hell.”
The pope had been on a visit to Canada where he had expressed some weariness over his ability to travel as efficiently as before. Having recently recovered from knee surgery the pontificate decided on a whim to flit down to Disney World to check out the new Star Wars park before he got too old to enjoy it. But, the last-minute travel decision meant he had to take a Spirit Airlines flight.
The experience left such a bad taste in the saint’s mouth that even he was praying for the flight to divert just so he could get off the plane. Sadly, the plane arrived on time despite being delayed on the tarmac for three scuffles between passengers irritated they couldn’t twerk during takeoff.