LOS ANGELES, CA – In the wake of a return to mostly-normal travel, the number of travel brouhahas has dramatically declined. Now, travel bloggers desperately craving more traffic have assembled in a conference designed to learn how to write better clickbait headlines.
After initially crippling many travel bloggers, many soon found their silver lining in the midst of the pandemic: the travel freakout. Cooped up, nutty weirdos still traveling often revolted against draconian measures like wearing a mask, behaving like a civilized person, wearing a seatbelt, and following flight attendant instructions. The result? A delicious travel blogger’s delight known as the viral article.
A properly crafted headline could drive hundreds of thousands of views yielding bloggers piles of money (well, like $704 or something anyway).
However, as face mask mandates were removed, and normal people started traveling again, and (probably) because most of the weirdos are now banned, a sense of calm has largely returned to the skies. The downside? Fewer viral freakout videos and less blog traffic.
Now, desperate travel bloggers who’d grown accustomed to the rich drug of viral traffic are feening for those good highs again and they’ve decided to gather in droves in a bid to increase the virality of their articles.
The “Attend this or your blog dies just like your marriage did” conference is designed to teach bloggers how to increase the click-bait-iness of their articles and drive more traffic.
Workshops focus on how to take mundane topics and transform them into headlines that will lure unsuspecting perusers into your den of advertising. Some examples include:
- BEFORE: Passenger arrested after in-flight disturbance
- AFTER: Black man dragged off plane in cuffs after violently assaulting passengers while screaming about abortion rights
- BEFORE: Why elite status doesn’t matter as much anymore
- AFTER: Why elite status is utterly worthless and you are a loser if you pursue it
- BEFORE: 7 travel hacks for a smoother travel experience
- AFTER: 7 travel hacks that don’t totally destroy your entire vacation leaving you on the side of the road sobbing in tears wishing you’d never been born
- BEFORE: Southwest Airlines sued after a passenger injures herself
- AFTER: Reckless airline sued after passenger nearly loses a leg in gruesome accident
- BEFORE: Unaccompanied minor briefly lost at airport
- AFTER: Terrified child left to wander the halls of airport after careless gate agent checks Instagram
The conference has, thus far, been a wild success, with many bloggers sharing stories of how invigorated they are to get back to writing.
Editor’s note: as the owner of a non-satire blog, CBoardingGroup.com, one that has its fair share of click-bait-y headlines, we realize we are fully lampooning ourselves here. And we are ok with that.