WASHINGTON, DC – In a controversial move, the Transportation Security Agency (TSA) is considering extending the 3-1-1 rule to firearms and ammo. Under the new policy, passengers would be allowed to carry-on 3 guns with 1 ammo clip per gun while traveling.
“We’ve got to get more guns on planes,” stated National Rifle Association (NRA) chief Wayne LaPhuckers. LaPhuckers was addressing a large crowd on the steps of the Capitol building as he celebrated the advancement of a key policy move the NRA has been lobbying hard for.
“We’ve already been able to get them into schools, churches and theme parks. Now it’s time to get them back on to airplanes,” he went on to say in prepared remarks.
Under the proposed new policy, the TSA will leverage the well-known 3-1-1 framework that it currently uses to keep the airways safe from water balloons and 50-gallon bombs. The new policy would allow an individual passenger to bring no more than 3 guns onboard the plane in their carry-on or on their person in an appropriately fitted holster. A single clip of ammo per gun would be also allowed.
“The best way to stop a bad guy traveling with a gun is with a good guy traveling with 3 guns,” said Senator Ted Cruz, while firing off a few warning shots over the heads of some protesters gathered around his Hummer. “And now that the face mask mandates have been overturned and travelers have started settling down, we think arming the skies is clearly the right move.”
Details on when the policy might be implemented remain elusive, but an NRA spokesperson hinted that it’s very likely the changes will be approved in Congress shortly after the upcoming mid-term elections.
Editor’s note: We are a travel satire site. Like many of you, the recent mass shootings have deeply saddened us and while we attempt to process it, satire is one method we have at our disposal in an attempt to bring attention to what is undeniably insane. Clearly, we can do better as a country. If satire helps you process things (like it does us), consider looking at the front page of The Onion right now…we tip our hats to them as they lean into these senseless gun tragedies by highlighting their tragic stupidity.
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