Airlines Debut Priority Potty™: Elites Now Board the Bathroom First

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LONDON—Last week, a crew said “we don’t have toilets,” and several voices on frequency somehow heard “we don’t have pilots.” Coverage traced the confusion, the “alert status,” and the eventual non-emergency landing, complete with transcripts and clips (OMAAT, VFTW, PYOK). Consequently, the industry did what it does best: it found a way to monetize relief.

Enter Priority Potty™, a suite of bathroom privileges that maps “access to relief” to status, spend, and a constellation of points. If you want the flight at the heart of the chatter, you can still browse TP484’s page or the FR24 entry. Meanwhile, executives heard a new chime: not a seatbelt ding, but the unmistakable ka-ching of ancillary revenue.

Introducing Priority Potty™: Because Time Is Bladder

“Our guests asked for predictability,” the CEO announced. “We built a path to relief.” The reveal nodded to the now-famous exchange: a crew with inoperative lavatories asked for direct routing and speed so they could land sooner; controllers, trying to clarify, kept asking about emergencies and pilots. For the play-by-play, see the early write-up on AIRLIVE and the raw ATC clips on YouTube 1 and YouTube 2.

From that chaos came a product. Priority Potty™ promises order, dignity, and a premium queue with velvet rope energy. More importantly, it delivers a narrative executives can repeat on earnings calls: “We listened; then, thoughtfully, we monetized.” Thus begins the golden age of scheduled relief.

How It Works: LAV-1 Through LAV-Basic

LAV-1 sits at the top. It grants Direct Relief, a short aisle path, and a guaranteed two-minute window. LAV-2 offers Expedited Relief and the right to approach at 10,000 feet without awkward eye contact with the beverage cart. By contrast, LAV-Basic remains a queue powered by hope and the lock light.

Families can pool access after linking accounts. Additionally, the app sells Standby Relief during peak moments with a gentle pop-up: “Unlock Standby Relief for 1,500 miles.” If you’d like to visualize the airspace maze around Nice, arrivals hand off through Marseille ACC into the Nice TMA; public sources lay that out rather cleanly, the ACC list, openaip airspaces, and SkyVector.

Operationally, the tiers behave like boarding groups for biology. First come the elites with a sleek aisle glide. Then arrive the hopeful, clutching their phones and refreshing the queue. Finally, the door clicks open, and civilization remembers why we invented lines.

The Card That Changes Everything: Altitude Relief Reserve

You guessed it… there’s a card. It’s metal, it’s heavy, and it rewards hydration. The Altitude Relief Reserve earns 5x on water, 2x on aisle access, and 1x on sighs. New members receive one Emergency Lav Waiver per year. Someone in line must wave you ahead; they may also roll their eyes hard enough to nudge the plane toward the runway.

Terms apply. Many terms. Redemption starts at 2,500 miles for Standby Relief and 5,000 for Expedited Relief. Meanwhile, Direct Relief uses dynamic pricing tied to demand and the exact second the seatbelt sign turns off. Moreover, the airline swears this feels nothing like past “enhancements.” Points blogs, however, have the dental-exam tone of long experience whenever “benefit changes” surface.

For the loyalty-obsessed, this card adds a new verb: to priority-potty. As a result, lounge talk acquires a new brag: “Cleared LAV-1 at top of descent.” Whether that sentence should exist is another question.

‘Cleared Direct Relief’: ATC Joins the Revenue Stream

Authorities want clarity as well. A spokesperson outlined simple words and clean readbacks. Crews will request a Relief Clearance. Controllers will reply, “Cleared direct Relief via Aisle Two. Maintain dignity.” That tone mirrors the reporting you saw this month, which tracked the slide from “toilets” to “pilots,” then back to normal operations (OMAAT transcript, VFTW summary).

Next, the tower will test Relief Windows for arrivals. Think runway slot, but for biology. Miss your slot and you re-queue. No Mayday, no Pan-Pan, just a commercial solution to a universal need. Meanwhile, a training slide now shows two columns, “NO TOILETS” and “NO PILOTS.” HR insists it isn’t graded. Pilots insist it should be.

Finally, an advisory nicknamed LAV-SAY circulates in draft. It standardizes the words crews can use and the emojis controllers must never use. Consequently, somewhere a printer weeps.

The Fine Print (Contents Under Pressure)

Turbulence Blackouts. Priority Potty™ pauses when the seatbelt sign turns on, just turned on, might turn on, or appears in a dream. Safety first, lawyers second, your bladder third. Occupancy Surge Pricing. Expect higher rates after beverage service and at top of descent; the app will show the new total, plus a calming photo of a mountain stream that helps exactly no one.

Pre-Flush Fuel Surcharge. It’s $1.99 to “support water uplift logistics,” a phrase coined five minutes ago and probably trademarked four minutes later. The Two-Minute Window applies to everyone, although Golden Throne members add thirty seconds of knock-immunity. For the carefully neutral tone that keeps repeating “operational lavatory integrity,” see mainstream recaps such as this blue News piece.

Additionally, the waiver does not cover “door hover,” “mirror selfie,” or “full wardrobe change.” Nor does it include “queue-cutting for content.” Consequently, your influencer era must wait until wheels-up.

Public Reaction & The Future of Bathroom Capitalism

Frequent flyers framed this as the natural endpoint of fees. They filed it beside baggage charges, seat-selection tolls, and the “reaccommodation beverage tax.” Casual travelers shrugged and claimed they “never drink water anyway.” Doctors, meanwhile, sighed. Aviation fans posted the ATC audio again (clip 1; clip 2) with captions such as “This meeting could’ve been a memo.”

Regulators promised to “monitor the situation,” which in aviation can mean anything from a webinar to a winter spent naming an acronym. Rumor says the LAV-SAY draft will approve plain words and a tiny emoji set. Crews must say “LAV INOP.” They must not say “loo.” Controllers must avoid “number one” on frequency. Everyone must try not to laugh while being recorded.

Meanwhile, social media discovered a new form of status flex: screenshots of “Cleared LAV-1.” Therefore, expect a cottage industry of “queue etiquette” explainers and “bathroom run” packing lists. Civilization, ever adaptable, marches on.

After-Action Transparency That Explains Absolutely Nothing

Airlines published after-action notes with great solemnity. The documents focus on throughput, aisle friction, and “bathroom access per available seat mile.” A working group will “restore trust and improve relief flow.” Another deck proposes Express Egress, a premium path from Row 32 to the door. Ribbon optional; ceremonial scissors sold separately.

None of this mentions the obvious: there was no emergency. The crew never declared one. They asked for help, which the reporting spelled out plainly (transcript; summary). The flight landed, the internet laughed, and the balance sheet learned a new trick.

Ultimately, these reports do explain one thing: how to thread monetization into a narrative about dignity. Consequently, here we are, discussing queue tiers for a door that already had one handle.

Frequently Evaded Questions (FEQs)

Q: Is this dystopian?
A: We call it innovative. However, if this goes too far, please look forward to our oxygen-flow loyalty pilot.

Q: Will Priority Potty™ delay flights?
A: Our algorithm optimizes the relief stack. If a delay appears, it already existed, and also the weather did it. Therefore, please enjoy a $1.99 Pre-Flush Fuel Surcharge credit toward your next water.

Q: What if I really have to go?
A: Good news: urgency converts beautifully. The app will surface compassionate, time-boxed offers. In other words, surge pricing with empathy.

Where We Land

Between cockpit and tower, “toilets” became “pilots.” The internet replayed the clips, the write-ups, and the quotes (AIRLIVE, OMAAT, PYOK). Executives heard something else: the soft chime of a new ancillary stream. Priority Potty™ will not change physics. It will not stop misunderstandings. Nevertheless, it offers a tidy chart for investor day and a shining rope for the most democratic door on the plane.

If that future thrills you, hydrate and climb the tier ladder. If it doesn’t, carry patience, carry hope, and carry exactly 2,500 miles… just in case.

Taxi back to The Takeoff Nap runway for more gate-to-gate giggles.