Fake News Archives | The Takeoff Nap

DALLAS, TX - Taking a page out of Frontier Airlines' playbook, American Airlines unveiled a new employee bonus program rewarding poor customer service experiences.

American Airlines offers bonuses to employees for poor customer service

by Lee BallouMarch 11, 2023March 11, 2023

DALLAS, TX – Taking a page out of Frontier Airlines’ playbook, American Airlines unveiled a new employee bonus program rewarding poor customer service experiences.

ATLANTA, GA - Steve Johnson, a 47-year-old veteran narrowbody pilot is furious after learning he will only earn a mere $475k this year to sit in the cockpit of a plane that is mostly flying itself.

Pilot furious he will only make $475k this year threatens to quiet quit

by Lee BallouMarch 9, 2023March 9, 2023

KANSAS CITY, MO - Tyrell White finished his drink service as quickly as possible practically tossing cans of unopened soda at passengers and salt-bae-ing bags of pretzels in a rush to get back to his game.

Flight attendant deploys secondary flight deck barrier so he can finish Candy Crush level

by Lee BallouMarch 6, 2023March 6, 2023

WICHITA, KS - A Delta Airlines pilot inadvertently diverted his flight to a small airport in Wichita, KS despite there being no threat or passenger freakout underway. When questioned, the pilot stated the emergency landing was simply habit born out of flying the last 2 years during the pandemic.

Pilot inadvertently diverts flight out of habit even though no passengers are freaking out

by Lee BallouFebruary 24, 2023February 24, 2023

CHICAGO, IL - After United Airlines unveiled policy updates designed to simplify the process of booking seats next to their children, parents across the globe began protesting the elimination of the little-known travel hack.

Parents furious after United removes secret travel hack: not having to sit with your kids on the plane

by Lee BallouFebruary 22, 2023

CHICAGO, IL - Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot unveiled a new plan this week to relocate homeless people from O'Hare Airport to its crappier little brother, Midway Airport.

Chicago mayor orders O’Hare Airport homeless moved to less exotic Midway Airport instead

by Lee BallouFebruary 21, 2023February 21, 2023

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Voters will have an opportunity to decide if local homeless camps should be required to house business travelers.

California city to require homeless camps to house business travelers

by Lee BallouFebruary 18, 2023February 18, 2023

DALLAS, TX - Union reps for American Airlines' flight attendant union reminded its members of the longstanding rule after the airline unveiled a new surreptitious in-flight monitoring program.

AA flight attendant union reminds folks that snitches get stitches

by Lee BallouFebruary 9, 2023February 9, 2023

BOCA RATON, FL - Hertz Car Rental is rolling out an eye-popping new perk for its elite members. Soon, President's Circle members will have a guarantee that they won't be arrested more than once a year after returning cars they've rented.

Hertz unveils new perk for top tier members that restricts arrests to no more than once a year

by Lee BallouFebruary 8, 2023February 7, 2023

TIJUANA - Thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies have a new bucket list destination in their sights after Mexico has been named "best destination for those who love the thrill of being kidnapped."

Mexico named “best destination for those who love thrill of being kidnapped”

by Lee BallouFebruary 7, 2023February 7, 2023