TAMPA, Fla. — Chad Culpepper came home from vacation with sunburn, plastic flamingo luggage tags, and a sworn vendetta against a cloud. The 43-year-old real-estate agent sprinted out of Tampa International, jabbed a finger skyward, and told security to “read that cumulonimbus its rights.” By sunset he had filed two citizen complaints, downloaded a 40-page logbook, and earned the unofficial title “First Cloud Vigilante of 2025.”
Culpepper’s tantrum sounds eccentric, but it sits on brand-new legal turf. In June, Governor Ron DeSantis signed Senate Bill 56, the so-called Combating Geoengineering Act. The statute, effective July 1, makes it a felony to inject, disperse, or mist the Florida atmosphere without state permission. Punishment can reach five years in prison and a $100,000 fine. According to Florida Politics, lawmakers framed the bill as a pre-emptive strike against “secret sky experiments” that might dim sunlight or seed clouds. They also quietly repealed a 1970s cloud-seeding license program, replacing it with something much louder: paperwork.
Airports Ordered to Submit a Monthly “Sky Ledger”
The law’s sleeper clause hits airports first. Every public-use airport must e-mail Florida’s Department of Transportation on the first business day each month. The message—nicknamed the Sky Ledger—must list every aircraft on the field “equipped” to modify weather, climate, or sunlight. Equipment can be real hardware, theoretical add-ons, or a crew member with bold ideas.
Attorney General James Uthmeier warned that airports that fail to file risk losing state grants. One operations manager described the first ledger cycle: “We flagged the mosquito-control helicopter, the crop-dusting Stearman, two aerobatic Extras, and the guy who fills his tires with nitrogen because, quote, ‘the plane rides smoother.’ We just hope it’s enough.”
State Prosecutor Pledges to “Stop Weaponized Science”
Uthmeier’s July 15 enforcement memo spared no drama. “We will pursue those who weaponize science against Floridians,” he promised. He referenced rumors that unlicensed cloud seeding worsened recent Texas floods, citing an Associated Press interview that floated the theory. Meteorologists at The Washington Post countered that no empirical link exists. The debate did not slow public imagination; hotline calls jumped 300 percent that week, including a man who reported “a rainbow that winked.”
Form FDOT-SKY-12: 84 Questions and One Scratch-and-Sniff Square
Behind each ledger sits bureaucratic bedrock: Form FDOT-SKY-12. Airport staff must review it every thirty days. Highlights include:
- “List nozzles, sprayers, reflective foils, or devices marketed as ‘cloud ticklers.’”
- “Has any crew member expressed intent to ‘goose the dew point’?”
- “Rate this aircraft’s allegiance to natural cumulus formation: Loyal, Wavering, Renegade.”
Even non-spray craft get boxed in. According to Florida Phoenix, mosquito-control helicopters, firefighting tankers, and airshow jets now carry “moderate weather-risk” tags. A Miami compliance officer summed it up: “If it exhales steam, we file.”
The Federal Government Already Tracks Cloud-Seeders on Two Pages
Florida’s crackdown overlaps a quieter federal rule. The Weather Modification Reporting Act of 1972 forces any cloud seeding inside U.S. borders to file a two-page intent form with NOAA ten days in advance. NOAA’s paperwork asks for project dates and equipment. Florida’s SKY-12 adds mood journals, altitude diaries, and a scratch-and-sniff “chemtrail sample.” A NOAA analyst admitted, “We didn’t know the atmosphere had a scent until Florida told us.”
Florida Opens “SkyWatch” Portal for Public Cloud Tips
Citizens can now upload suspicious sky photos to the SkyWatch Portal. Required fields: location, vibe, and supporting media. Reviewers at the Department of Environmental Protection say they fast-track clouds that look “smug,” hover over Disney fireworks, or cross the border from Georgia. Current queue: 17,400 items, including “Cotton-Candy Cumulus Doing Something Shady” and “Mist That Ruined Graduation Caps.”
Eight Other States Draft Copycat Bills
Florida’s theatrics travel well. The Guardian and The New Republic report similar bills in Texas, Idaho, Wyoming, Oklahoma, and three more legislatures. Most copy Florida’s ban language but skip the monthly sky ledger. A Tallahassee senator bragged, “We lead in sunshine and audit weight per capita.” Congress offered no comment; sources say staff lost Wi-Fi while googling “cloud ticklers.”
Download Form SKY-911 and Start Your Own Nimbus Files
The state encourages locals to download Form SKY-911: Citizen Contrail Logbook. Sections include:
- Cloud shape: harmless, potato, weaponized
- Proof: phone clip, ring camera, gut feeling, finger painting
- Outcome: pierced umbrella, damp socks, existential dread
Submit via portal, snail mail, or attach to a homing pigeon. If the pigeon lands on government property, congratulations—you are now part of the evidence chain.
Final Boarding Call
Florida: come for the beaches, stay for contrail court. Remember—if you see something, cloud something.
Throttle Up for More Satire at The Takeoff Nap
Taxi over to The Takeoff Nap for fresh dispatches on loyalty lunacy, jet-lagged logic, and skies too strange to ignore. Side effects may include sudden turbulence, chronic cloud gossip, and an urge to audit your lawn sprinkler.