Spread the laugh

“Justice has never been this sky-high,” says airline spokesperson.

“Finally, a use for the middle seat,” adds frequent flyer.

Justice Takes Flight

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In an unprecedented move to maintain order in the skies, Ryanair has announced the launch of “Ryanair Court,” an in-flight judicial system where disruptive passengers are tried mid-air by a jury of their fellow travelers. The airline claims this innovative approach will ensure that justice is served before the seatbelt sign is turned off.

“We’re tired of letting a few bad apples spoil the whole flight,” said a Ryanair spokesperson. “Now, instead of diverting to Porto, we can divert straight to justice.”

The idea reportedly came after an incident where a passenger tried to recline their seat—a feature not actually available on Ryanair flights. “We realized we needed a system to handle such grave transgressions swiftly,” the spokesperson noted.

Jury Duty Comes with Peanuts

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Under the new system, any passenger causing a disturbance will be promptly escorted to the front of the plane, where a makeshift courtroom has been established. Five randomly selected passengers will serve as jurors, with the flight attendant doubling as the judge. Legal counsel is optional but must be acquired from the in-flight magazine’s crossword section.

“I was on a flight where this happened,” said Emma Thompson, a frequent Ryanair traveler. “I didn’t expect to perform my civic duty between Dublin and Lanzarote, but at least they compensated us with an extra bag of peanuts.”

Passengers selected for jury duty will receive complimentary oxygen masks should the need arise. “It’s the least we can do for those upholding justice at 35,000 feet,” the spokesperson added with a wink.

For those concerned about the legality, Ryanair assures that all proceedings are “completely above board, if not above ground.”

Sentenced to Sing “The Wheels on the Bus”

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Sentencing is immediate and creatively tailored to fit the crime. Penalties range from purchasing drinks for the entire cabin to performing an impromptu rendition of “The Wheels on the Bus” for the remainder of the flight.

“One passenger had to mime the safety demonstration every time someone pressed the call button,” recounted James O’Leary, no relation to the CEO. “It was the most entertained I’ve been at 35,000 feet.”

For more severe offenses, such as attempting to bring a second carry-on bag without paying, the punishment might involve reading aloud the entire terms and conditions of Ryanair’s booking policy. “It’s a fate worse than turbulence,” whispered one flight attendant.

CEO’s Take on Airborne Justice

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While some might see this as an extreme measure, Ryanair’s CEO is fully onboard. “Why waste time with legal action on the ground when we can resolve matters before landing?” he reportedly said during a press conference held in an airplane hangar decorated to resemble a courtroom.

He went on to suggest that this could be the future of air travel. “Imagine a world where passengers police themselves. We’re not just an airline; we’re a flying society.”

When asked if the in-flight court system might affect the airline’s on-time arrivals, the CEO was quick to respond: “Justice might be blind, but our planes are always punctual. Besides, any delay is simply an opportunity to sell more scratch cards.”

Frequent Flyers React

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The response from passengers has been mixed. Some appreciate the initiative, citing it as a deterrent for unruly behavior. Others are skeptical about the legal ramifications of a court that operates in international airspace.

“I just hope I don’t get selected for jury duty on my honeymoon flight,” commented Sarah Williams, a soon-to-be bride. “But at least it’ll make a good story.”

Meanwhile, law schools worldwide are reportedly adjusting their curricula to include “Aviation Law and Mid-Air Litigation.”

Final Thoughts

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As Ryanair takes justice to new heights, passengers are left to ponder their fate at 35,000 feet. Will you be the next to face the jury, or will you simply enjoy the show from the comfort of your non-reclining seat? Either way, remember: in the court of Ryanair, the only thing more certain than justice is the lack of legroom.

So, next time you fly, pack your best legal defense—or at least a good joke. After all, laughter is the best in-flight entertainment, especially when it’s at your own expense.

For more satirical takes on aviation, visit The Takeoff Nap.

This work of satire was AI-written / human assisted.

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