TAMPA BAY, FL -With JetBlue now out of the picture in the frenzied bid to snap up Spirit Airlines, many Spirit Airlines loyalists are quite pleased they can still have their fight clubs and dance halls.
The travel world lurched into a frenzy when news broke that JetBlue placed a bid for Spirit Airlines. This came just less than two months after Frontier made a far inferior offer to Spirit and not everyone was a fan of the move.
While the airlines’ respective workforces would have undoubtedly be affected by a merger one group is especially concerned about the outcome: Spirit’s infamous segment of rowdy, hyper-aggressive, and interminably loyal passengers.
“I fly Spirit for two reasons,” said frequent passenger Becky Harshaw of Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. “One: it’s cheap as heck. Three: it gets me where I’m going. D: Most important, the fights are so awesome. Like, you get two women throwing down at a gate because one of them thought her man was looking at the other woman. That’s worth the price of admission right there.”
“JetBlue seems like a stuffy operation,” said Indianapolis resident Billy Joe McLaine. “That’s why I don’t fly ‘em. I am damned happy that they ain’t buying Spirit and bringing that corporate (stuff). Now, I can keep wearing my cutoff jeans and tank tops while I travel!”
“Yo, whussup, I’m DJ Hype-Master Lightning Flash,” said a Las Vegas-to-Dallas passenger who refused to disclose his given game. “People like it when I spin on the ones and twos during the Spirit flights, you know what I’m sayin’? They love hearing DJ Hype-Master Lightning Flash’s mixes blast at full volume on my Bluetooth speakers, you know what I’m sayin’? Like, brah, when some of them scream, ‘turn it down, it’s too loud,’ I only hear ‘turn it up, brah, it’s too good,’ you know what I’m sayin’? Or when parents complain, ‘that language isn’t appropriate for little kids!” I’m like, ‘Then why do you even bring your kids on a Spirit flight? Like, don’t you watch the news and see these crazy fights and parties we have up in the sky?’ You know what I’m sayin’?”
While JetBlue seemed to think it could bring some calm to the passengers who often display a little too much “Spirit,” it wasn’t in the cards. Spirit Airlines officially rebuffed JetBlue’s superior offer, deciding to stick with Frontier whose offer included free high fives for all Spirit Airlines employees.
“We offer complimentary DIRECTV on our flights,” noted Kylee Saperstein, JetBlue’s Executive Vice President of Passenger Experience and Interaction. “Flashing images on television screens are a wonderful way to distract antsy children and the typical Spirit, passenger. Too bad the board didn’t agree.”
Reportedly, JetBlue has set its sights on a new target already: Aeroflot.
While Frontier, for its part, is considering lowering its offer for Spirit after a Frontier Airlines exec actually flew on a Spirit Airlines flight and told their CEO they were offering WAY too much.