CHICAGO, IL – In the war against actually doing any work, United Airlines’ management team struck back against flight attendants using the Net Promoter Score system to score them with their own NPS system that scores the flight attendants’ NPS system.
After United Airlines flight attendants landed a devastating blow against management by implementing a Net Promoter Score system, the vaunted airline found itself on its heels. But not for long, after one clever junior executive suggested the airline’s leadership implement a counteroffensive NPS system that measures the flight attendants’ NPS along with other employee welfare measures.
In the new model, managers will be able to rank the quality, effectiveness, and meanness of the flight attendants’ NPS scores after they are released, along with other related measures designed to counterbalance the pro-union narrative.
Questions will include:
- Flight attendants who completed the survey this week are known malingerers
- The flight attendants’ union values my complaints about flight attendants
- I feel valued when I complain to my spouse or significant other about entitled employees
- Flight attendants are responsive to my whims when I feel like being a bit of a dick
- My contact with Republican lobbying groups funneling money into anti-union measures is meaningful
- My company’s efforts to dismiss flight attendant’s efforts to rate my performance as a manager are substantive and impactful
The new program is set to roll out later this month as soon as the CIO returns from his annual 4-week vacation in Spain.
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