CHARLOTTE, NC – Representative Madison Cawthorn (R – North Carolina) was caught with a loaded handgun at Charlotte Douglas International Airport (CLT) on Tuesday.
The Takeoff Nap has learned from TSA sources that the weapon was not wrapped in women’s lingerie when it was discovered. That allegation was previously made by certain Democrat operatives.
Representative Cawthorn’s more recent salacious headlines (following his cocaine and orgy allegations) address images of the conservative, Christian congressman wearing women’s lingerie. Mr. Cawthorn claims the pictures were taken during a game that occurred on a cruise.
“It turns out the congressman was smart enough to not conceal his weapon inside any lady unmentionables, if you will,” said a TSA officer who wasn’t authorized to speak about the matter. “We searched his luggage and thought we’d find a pink nightie. Maybe a sexy teddy. Or even some satin Victoria’s Secret panties. I love finding those in people’s luggage.”
Story developing…
Wow, awesome.
Why is this on boarding area? Go write for the Onion
Is The Onion is hiring? Do you know anyone there who could get me in? Thanks in advance!
Is The Onion is hiring? Do you know anyone there who could get me in? Thanks in advance!
I love that this is satire, but that it could basically be true.