Fake News Archives | Page 13 of 15 | The Takeoff Nap

LONG BEACH, CA - JetBlue unveiled the next evolution of its now-hostile takeover plans for Spirit Airlines. Under the new move, JetBlue plans to make the Spirit Airlines board actually fly Spirit Airlines.

JetBlue unveils next phase of hostile takeover plan: forcing Frontier board to acutally fly Spirit

by Lee BallouMay 23, 2022

CHICAGO, IL - It's been just over 5 years since United Airlines last drug a passenger off a flight and the company is looking to commemorate the infamous incident known as "bumpgate" that saw Dr. David Dao drug off a flight after getting involuntarily bumped.

United Airlines realizes it’s been 5 years since passenger last dragged off plane; plans to commemorate event

by Lee BallouMay 18, 2022May 7, 2022

WASHINGTON, DC - Airports across the country remain on high alert as the country remembers it's been 58 days since the last Ted Cruz travel freakout. As staff prepares for the next potential incident the mood is one of vigilance.

It’s been 58 days since last Ted Cruz travel freakout; airports on high alert

by Lee BallouMay 17, 2022May 6, 2022

LONG BEACH, CA - JetBlue Airways issued its last and final offer in its now hostile effort to take over Spirit Airlines. Under the terms of the revised offer, JetBlue's CEO will throw in his renowned Garbage Pail Kids collection from the mid-eighties.

JetBlue CEO offers to throw in his Garbage Pail Kids collection in last ditch bid for Spirit

by Lee BallouMay 16, 2022May 16, 2022

COLOGNE, DE - German airline Lufthansa has issued a formal apology for a recent incident involving a group of Jewish travelers. The airline admitted regret for not being more subtle with their racism in the statement.

Lufthansa apologizes for not being more subtle when being racist

by Lee BallouMay 11, 2022May 11, 2022

CHICAGO, IL - In the wake of Delta Airlines' recent announcement restricting lounge access to percent overcrowding United Airlines has replied with its own new lounge policy that will limit lounge access to 7-minute intervals, along with several other competitive changes.

United announces new airport lounge policy allowing travelers to visit for only 7 minutes at a time

by Lee BallouMay 7, 2022May 7, 2022

CHICAGO, IL - In what can only be construed as a bid to top Delta Airlines' recent offer to pay flight attendants during the boarding process, Chicago-based United Airlines is announcing a new program that will pay flight attendants while they get ready for work.

United Airlines tops Delta with new offer to pay flight attendants while they get ready for work

by Lee BallouMay 2, 2022May 1, 2022

WASHINGTON, DC - The recently announced Disinformation Governance Board, or Ministry of Truth as it's casually known, quickly set its sights on a first target: accurate communications during flight delays.

Ministry of Truth gets to work quickly; starts on the lies told during flight delays

by Lee BallouMay 2, 2022April 30, 2022

DENVER, CO - A bored United Airlines pilot decided to execute a go-around after completing an extremely uneventful 3-hour flight. When asked why he chose to do the unneeded maneuver, the pilot responded, "I just needed some fun, man!"

Pilot decides to do a go-around just for fun

by Lee BallouApril 29, 2022April 29, 2022

NEW ORLEANS, LA - A Louisiana traveler was dumbfounded when his wife actually boarded their flight on time last Thursday. Apparently she didn't even run to the bathroom.

Man Shocked When Wife Doesn’t Use Restroom or Go Shopping When It’s Their Turn to Board Flight

by Anson HowardApril 28, 2022April 29, 2022